100 Ways to Bless a New Mom

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LOVE this list! The only thing I'd add is take the time to pray for her, her marriage and new baby. Then, send her real mail on cute stationary telling her you did. :)

HIS side of the story ;)

My friends, Karen & Troy, are getting married in about a month and a half! I posted her side of their love story a while back, but here's Troy's version. . .

Troy’s side of the story

OK wow, so Karen as usual over achieved with her amazing story. Mine will most likely be a little less detailed.

My side of the story starts about 5 years ago before I started working for LFCS. My mother started telling me about this teacher that worked at LFCS name Karen who she thought would be a great match for me. To which my response was “really mom, stop it, you’re being weird”. This went on for several years. Then, I started working at LFCS and met this girl named Karen and... well, wow. My first realization was that my mother was not kidding when she told me Karen was beautiful. I remember the first few times I spoke with her having a hard time getting words to come out of my mouth. For those of you who know me well, you know that is not normal. From that point I was a passenger in my own skin every time she crossed my path. I kept trying and trying to have coherent and clear phrases come out of my mouth when around her but I’m pretty sure I sounded a little “slow”.

This went on for several years. I knew I was attracted to Karen but I wasn’t sure about the rest of who she was yet. I wanted to get to know her more, I wanted to learn about her character, how she dealt with kids, what kind of things she did for fun, and if she had the kind of faith/God reflecting life that I knew I needed, and that she was a woman who I thought I might be able to serve for the rest of my life. I know this sounds little intense for a guy who had never even asked this girl out but I A) new that if I was to ask this girl our who I worked with I better be pretty sure and, B) had this feeling that if I started something with Karen it would get very real very fast.

Being able to work with Karen helped me out greatly especially because I got to watch Karen with her students. All i can say about what I learned about Karen as I got to know her at work and watch her with her students is wow. I was beginning to realize that this woman was for real. She was not only so beautiful that she took the words out of my mouth and turned me into a goofy speechless pile of ridiculous, but that she was an absolutely incredible woman. She way she dealt with her little students was a perfect balance of firm, gentle, and guiding. Even though I’d still to this point never had a deep theological discussion with her I could tell she was a woman who loved the Lord and who’s life reflected it. I was beginning to feel like this girl might be the one (remember that she still had no clue as to what was happening in my head, this process took about 1 1/2 years).

There became a point where I had talked with my family and close friends about Karen for long enough that I started to get mocked for not asking her out. I kept trying to explain to them that I wanted to be sure but they just started calling me a woos. I kept trying to explain to them that I was waiting for the right timing but they didn’t buy it at all. At one point I remember my little brother Cody saying “I’m going to ask her out first just because you’re being a pansy”. So began my slow role in to asking her out. I started with a few light invitations to come hang out with friends, then an invite to a theme part with mutual friends. Both times getting shot down with the excuse of “I have church, or I have Bible study”. I was thinking either A) she’s blowing me off or B) she’s pretty “holy”. I wanted to believe “B” so that’s what I went with.

Skip forward to the day I brought her coffee (you can fill in the rest from her side of the story). I was having coffee with my mentor Terry one morning and as I was pulling up I was battling with myself (and what I honestly believe now to have been God) about weather or not to buy Karen a morning warm drink. I knew that if I did so I would be “going loud” in military terms and there would be no going back. As I walked up to the counted I totally chickened out. I ordered my hot coffee and sat down to wait for Terry. They quickly called my name and as I walked up to the counter I realized they had made my coffee iced and not hot as I asked. I told the barista and she said “Oh, I’m so sorry I’ll re-make it for you. You can keep this cold coffee and give it to someone else”... At that point I thought “are you kidding me? I now have a spare coffee and have been told to give it to someone” . It was at this point that I said in my head “OK I get it God I’m supposed to ask her out”. So I did take her the coffee and you can read about that in her story. She shot me down... again...

Not to be defeated, I knew that if I was going to get anywhere with Karen I was going to have to shoot straight and put every ounce of pride I had on the line. Several days had gone by where I had sworn to myself that I would walk up to Karen and just ask her out but that I could not catch her at the right time. I tried I think 4 times to catch her in her room during her break but missed her each time. Finally on a Friday before a week long break I walked up to her room to see if I could catch her and she was not there. Feeling very deflated trying to figure out how I was going to find the guts and the right time to ask her out I headed back to my desk, and low and behold literally almost ran into her in the hallway under the stairs, and... we were alone. I thought “Oh no.. THIS IS IT.. I HAVE TO DO IT NOW...) So grabbing more guts than it took me to jump out of an airplane at 14,000 feet I asked “Karen would you like to go out with me sometime?”. I knew that this moment was handed to me by The God who I had been praying to about Karen for the last year. Doing anything but asking her out at this point was direct disobedience to Him. And the rest is written in Karen’s side.

The journey that God has taken us on since that moment would take up more then you want to read. God has taught me more about myself through Karen than I probably wanted to know. And by God’s grace we have been able to learn about each other and grow closer to God while doing so. I can not thank God enough for bringing me to that place under the stares where I was forced to put it all on the line to ask out Karen. She is the most incredible God fearing, humble, strong, gentle, and beautiful woman in the world and I get to spend the rest of my life doing my best with God’s help serving her. Karen has without a doubt made me better equiped to serve God and I pray that I do the same for her. I’m so much more blessed by her than I know. Thank you God, and thank you mom!

Will You Still Be My Friend?

I felt hot tears welling up as I read this poem. It gave me insight to how a barren wife feels and increased my empathy even more. It always cuts right through me when I hear nosy people ask someone when they are going to have kids, because you NEVER know if that person is dealing with the heartache of infertility. It is so insensitive and I'll admit I've been angry on more than one occasion when I see it happen knowing how that question will devastate that barren woman's heart.

Will You Still Be My Friend?

dear friend

will you be someone who understands?

will you understand when i tell you that i need a friend
who will listen as i share about my journey through infertility?
so many others have only had advice
miracle stories, herb teas, and new love-making positions

will you understand month after month when i need to share
my disappointment from another unsuccessful attempt?
will you understand when i tell you that i rage and pound my fists at God
because He doesn’t seem to hear me and take away this pain?

will you know to pray for me when i can no longer pray for myself?
will you know to send me a card to remind me that I am not alone?

will you understand the tears that well up when you tell me you are pregnant?
will you understand that i celebrate with you, yet long for the day
when a friend’s pregnancy doesn’t remind me of my barrenness?

will you understand when i start to pull away when your tummy begins to bulge?
as much as i long to share in the excitement, i find the ache too much
as other women encircle you and the conversation turns to motherhood

will you understand when i don’t come to your baby shower?
i can’t imagine the strength i will need to hold back the tears
in the midst of baby clothes, breastfeeding tips, and birth stories

will you understand when your baby is born and i don’t come to visit right away?
please know that i long to hold your child and congratulate you in person
but holding a newborn in my arms spirals me into a place of envy and pain

will you understand that my empty arms are still heavy with the grief they carry?
will you understand that your greatest joy is my deepest sorrow?

when the months turn into years, and you are expecting your second child,
will you understand that i still long to bear a child in my womb?

will you still be my friend?