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People-pleasing: the curse and the cure
I'm still addicted.
To your approval.
To her response.
To his affirmation.
For as far back as I can remember, people-pleasing has chronically
robbed me of peace, joy, a good night's sleep, effective ministry,
and freedom to love others authentically.
In fact, as I type this, I'm a little stressed over several people in my life who
disapprove of me right now. I'd really like to explain myself, to vindicate my choices,
to get back into their good graces.
But my Lord continues to press me into this place of surrender.
Surrendering my rights,
my reputation,
my rationalizing.
(Weird but true: I rationalize—silently, in my head—with that person who
doesn't approve of me. I have full on conversations with them,
explaining myself into their favor again, coercing them into understanding me.)
So am I doomed to forever failure in this area of my life? Am I a serial people-pleaser
sentenced to life in prison?
Not hardly.
I have a tenacious, relentless Savior who not only paid the penalty for my
sin of people-pleasing, but He's also in the business of breaking the power it has in my life.
Slowly but surely, He is freeing me—using my fight against this sin to
strengthen my character and help me love and enjoy Him more...and more...and more.
Perhaps I'll always fight against this sin, and in the fighting give God glory.
Some days I fight well. Other days I end up bloodied and beaten.
But on the victorious days, I've found three exercises that help me fight well:
To your approval.
To her response.
To his affirmation.
For as far back as I can remember, people-pleasing has chronically
robbed me of peace, joy, a good night's sleep, effective ministry,
and freedom to love others authentically.
In fact, as I type this, I'm a little stressed over several people in my life who
disapprove of me right now. I'd really like to explain myself, to vindicate my choices,
to get back into their good graces.
But my Lord continues to press me into this place of surrender.
Surrendering my rights,
my reputation,
my rationalizing.
(Weird but true: I rationalize—silently, in my head—with that person who
doesn't approve of me. I have full on conversations with them,
explaining myself into their favor again, coercing them into understanding me.)
So am I doomed to forever failure in this area of my life? Am I a serial people-pleaser
sentenced to life in prison?
Not hardly.
I have a tenacious, relentless Savior who not only paid the penalty for my
sin of people-pleasing, but He's also in the business of breaking the power it has in my life.
Slowly but surely, He is freeing me—using my fight against this sin to
strengthen my character and help me love and enjoy Him more...and more...and more.
Perhaps I'll always fight against this sin, and in the fighting give God glory.
Some days I fight well. Other days I end up bloodied and beaten.
But on the victorious days, I've found three exercises that help me fight well:
- Cling to the Word. I've taped Scripture to my walls and mirrors,
- posted it in my car, uploaded it on my cell phone wallpaper,
- and written it on index cards to carry with me. (Colossians 3:16)
- Keep a thankful heart. Trying to make everyone happy robs me
- of joy and gratitude, because I'm fighting a hopeless battle!
- Practicing gratitude (for even the smallest things) shifts my focus away
- from people and back to Jesus. (Hebrews 12:2)
- Pray. And keep praying. Get on your knees. Humble yourself.
- Acknowledge your neediness. Pray in faith. Pray for big miracles—
- in your heart and theirs. "Whatever you ask in My name, this I will do..."
- (John 14:13; 15:16; 16:23)
