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I was thrilled to get permission to post this story! I've been getting to know an amazing Christian woman, named Colleen, that I heard about through my friend, Melissa. Have you noticed that so many great things / ideas start with Melissa??? :) After reading this, I got chills of awe at the provision of our God. Incredible marriages DO happen in the 30's, as my friend Amy once told me. I pray that this story will renew your hope! Godly men who pursue, demonstrate integrity and protect purity DO exist!
* After you read this, please take a moment to pray God will bless Colleen, Eddie and their precious baby on the way. Pray that God would guard their marriage with a hedge of protection, cause them to grow in love even more each day and that their little one would love Jesus from a young age because of the reflection of His love in their marriage.
SATURDAY, MARCH 26, 2011
A Love Story
We met in Eddie’s car in March 2009.
My brother Jonathan had invited me to join some of his friends from church for a day in L.A. As soon as I showed up, I recognized a couple of girlfriends, so when it was time to divide up into cars, we grabbed each other and jumped into the black Honda Accord in front of us.
I knew everyone in the car except the driver, Eddie. We made quick introductions and then we were off.
Although I wasn’t attracted or immediately drawn to Eddie, I was stunned at how masculine and confident and kind he was. He treated us girls with such respect: he did all the driving, paid for our parking, covered our Starbucks tab, and opened our doors. I hadn’t seen such chivalry outside my own family and my trips to the South, so I was secretly impressed. Eddie spoke openly of God’s work in his life and seemed comfortable taking the lead in conversation.
However, I couldn’t have been less interested in him. I’d endured years of heartbreaks and deep disappointments. The last thing I wanted was another guy friend—so I kept Eddie at arm’s distance, even when he pursued conversation with me throughout the day. I was warm and friendly, but brief and superficial.
I do remember, however, talking with my mom on the phone the next day and telling her about the very kind man I’d met. (Six months later, my mom told me she’d prayed for Eddie every single day from that moment onward.)
Can you already feel my struggle?
I crossed paths with Eddie three or four times over the next few months. Each time we had good conversations, but I was definitely in a defensive posture. He emailed me; I lingered in responding. I was determined to not have anymore guy friends! Despite my resolve, when I saw him again in June, my heart skipped a beat. Wow—he’s good looking! He sat by me (I was excited) and again amazed me by his kindness as we talked.
Looking back, I'm amazed at how happy I was being around
Eddie, long before I "liked" him.
Now began an internal conflict that led me to admit to my roommates and a couple of close friends that I was interested in this man—and then just as quickly, to talk myself out of it and run back to said friends with, “How stupid! Of course I don’t like this guy. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
I traveled for a month that summer—and when Eddie emailed me once or twice, I was able to respond politely while putting him out of my mind for good.
Until August.
I was back home and Jonathan invited me to another church event: a summer barbecue. As soon as I spotted Eddie, I went through a grueling, Oh, shoot, there he is. Oh, I hope he looks this way. I’m not going to say a word to him. I hope he talks to me…
Ah, the struggle!
We did talk, and it was a wonderful chat. (Crud.) By the end of the night Eddie asked for my phone number, so he could “keep me posted on upcoming group events.” That week he personally invited me to Barbecue #2. I was getting excited—and hating myself for it.
At the next week’s barbecue, he showed up with a gift bag for me, containing a bottle of my favorite vanilla almonds and a book on sin by John Owen. I was both melted and impressed. We spent most of that evening talking to each other. Not only was I becoming more amazed by this guy’s character, but I also realized how very attracted to him I was.
I went home and wrestled with myself and with God. I knew I’d need to risk my heart again someday, but I didn’t want to hurt again. I didn’t want anymore hope to turn to heart-wrenching disappointment. I was 33 and scared out of my mind. I finally put out a “Gideon’s fleece”: if the Lord wanted me to open up my heart to this man, even just a little, He would prompt Eddie to stick out his neck and do something inexplicably bold when I saw him next.
And Eddie did. And he’s been sticking out his neck for me ever since. He never required me to risk my heart—he guarded it, made every effort to protect it, bent over backwards to make sure he didn’t take advantage of my slowly growing trust and softening heart.
The first time Eddie called me (August 19, to be exact), we talked for an hour and a half. (He told me later, he was expecting a ten-minute phone call.) We spent six weeks talking our heads off late into the night, hours on end. He even came up with the idea of playing “20 Questions” (which evolved into 101 Questions) so we could get to know one another better by asking meaningful, fun, and tough questions.
Then, before he asked me to coffee for the first time, he called my dad, introduced himself, and met with him to ask his permission to take me out.
At that first coffee, he stated his intentions—telling me he wasn’t pursuing just a friendship (I already knew that from our purposeful conversations); rather, he wanted to pursue a deeper relationship with me. He didn't want to keep me guessing or leave any room for confusion.
I didn’t know single men like him still existed.
Two weeks later, over dinner in Sylvan Park under a full moon, Eddie asked me if I’d be willing to enter into a courtship with him. October 11, 2009 was a blissful blur.
Our six months of dating were exciting and scary and humbling and wonderful. I had layers upon layers of fears, insecurities, defense mechanisms, and past wounds to work through. I loved being Eddie’s girlfriend, and I was growing to love and respect him immensely, but it was a journey for sure. I learned so much in those short months. In late December 2009, I journaled this…
It’s not sliding down a rainbow. It’s not a walk in the park. It’s nothing like falling off a log.
It’s this overdue child, long pent-up in the womb of waiting, now birthed and learning to breathe oxygen, see lights and shapes, hear sounds (the sound of itself even), interact with other beings. It’s a new world of the unknown and untried, untested and uncertain.
It is enjoying what thus far has been withheld by a Sovereign God: companionship, belonging, identity with a godly man. No longer “Colleen Langley” but “Eddie and Colleen.” It’s showing up to a social gathering to be beside my man—to support him, to meet his friends, to enter his world—and not necessarily to attempt to minister to everyone in the crowd.
It’s giving up control: control of space, schedule, habits, privacy, preferences, and facades.
It is beautiful. It is breathtaking. It’s glorious beyond description. It’s an unspeakable mystery. It’s being known and loved and cared for and protected and provided for and led and prayed for and doted on—and it’s knowing and loving and caring and praying and doting right back, with this person you just miss like crazy and don’t want to let go of when you finally see him the next day and he wraps you in his strong arms.
It is terrifying: to know that this could be taken away at any moment. To realize that we will hurt each other deeply because of the intimacy involved and the future decisions at stake. It’s scary as heck to find that this kind of love is riskier and more vulnerable than I’d even imagined—but oh so worth the risk! It’s scary in the sense that there are weaknesses we both bring to the table that need redemption and time and grace and honesty and talking and understanding and forgiveness and wisdom and counsel.
It’s easy. Easy to compare, to hear others’ accounts and observe other relationships and feel like ours should look a certain way. But there is no “look,” no blueprint or methodology or money-back guarantee. It is by faith from first to last, and following a list of rules or trying to “wear Saul’s armor” when you’re David the shepherd boy—dishonors God and is not of faith (thus it is sin).
It is life-changing. It’s deeper sleep and sweeter thoughts and freedom from isolation and loneliness and dark corners of the mind. It is talking daily about life and lessons learned and our Spurgeon devotional that morning and what it means to pursue Christ and be more biblically masculine and feminine. It's letting go of the familiarity of singleness—years of singleness and independence—a letting-go I've wanted all my life, but it's still a letting go of what’s familiar (what’s painfully comfortable) and thus a huge change!
It is learning to be a woman as God designed me to be. Every part of my being has been made to be a wife and mother—from as far back as I can remember that is all I’ve ever wanted or sensed I was created for (aside from the greatest calling of being His child!).
It is commitment. It is choosing this man. It is resolving to stay in this relationship when I’m tempted to run (fearful of getting hurt again). It is not giving an ear to my ever-changing emotions. It is preaching truth to myself, speaking strongly to my heart. It is moving forward by faith and unreservedly trusting the Lord. The best things in life are not easy and effortless.
It is fun! It’s daily stops at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf for a tea latte. It’s a new restaurant, a long drive holding hands, a walk on the beach, a look, a touch, another late-night talk. It's learning Chinese culture. It's staring into this handsome man's eyes. It’s praying together every time we part ways. It’s “good morning” texts and afternoon “thinking of you’s.” It’s late-night strolls arm-in-arm and laughing at each other’s goofiness. It’s moments in silence, just being in each other’s company. It’s the fact that 14 hours together on a Saturday feels more like 14 minutes.
It’s hard. It’s delayed gratification (still!)—committing to holiness, to not kissing till marriage, to fighting against every ounce of flesh that’s kept in this sexual warehouse!
It is learning to trust a man while still trusting even more in God. It is hoping the best of a man while keeping my hope only in the Lord. It is walking forward by faith even when I feel blinded and handicapped by ten to twelve “extra” years of singleness and independence. It is fighting for a godly relationship and potential marriage when the enemy of our souls would like nothing better than to destroy anything pure and holy, this glimpse of Christ and His Church.
It is allowing myself to be known by a "stranger," someone without context and history, who longs for me to open up and be honest and vulnerable. It is finally being given permission to give my heart to a man.
It’s choosing to enjoy the good gift God has given me in my boyfriend. To not fear the lavishness of the gift in him and instead, to receive it all with gratitude.
It is “repentance and rest, quietness and trust” (Isaiah 30:15) in the Lord. Knowing that He is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and End, my Prince of Peace, our Wonderful Counselor, the Everlasting Father.
Six months after asking me to be his girlfriend, on my 34th birthday, Eddie got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. He chose a hill on Catalina Island, at the foot of a large white cross, and ended with the words, "Will you marry a sinner like me?"
Even though I’ve trampled over so many details and fun aspects, this has become a ridiculously long blog, so here is where I leave off. I’m glad a couple of you asked me to share our love story: it’s been a good exercise to get all this down before time blurs my memory… and it’s been a sweet reminder of God’s sovereignty in every detail of our relationship.
“The One who calls you is faithful, and He will do it.” 1 Thessalonians 5:24
