18 Years Old

I wrote this when I was 18 for my Dad and gave it to him with a vintage key. 

I found it tonight and remember how earnest I felt writing it...

To: My Dad: The Key to my Heart

This key I hold is dear to me

It is a symbol for all to see

Of the commitment I made to you and to God

To be a woman of virtue and not to defraud

I want to be under your shield of protection

And to honor the wisdom of your God-given direction

So, my heart I am guarding to keep me from sin

And the Lord I am trusting to help me begin

To be a good wife and mother someday

As He prepares my future husband’s heart along the way

But for now I will seek what is faithful and true

And commit to godliness in all that I do

Patiently waiting until the time is near

For you to unlock my heart with all that is dear

And give me in marriage to the one that I love

As God showers down His blessings from above

When you look upon this key and hold it so tender

I pray that the Lord would help you remember

That whether we are together or far apart

You’ll always have the key to my heart.

- Jen

         September 30, 1996

Lessons from Les Mis

I haven't seen the movie, but I really enjoyed this article my mom sent me today.

Lessons from Les Mis:

Forgiveness Changes Everything

by Dr. Virginia Smith
image Deen van Meer

Christmas day, 2012, saw the long anticipated release of the movie Les Misérables. The stage version of Les Mis is the longest running musical in history, viewed by over 60 million people in 42 countries and performed in 21 languages. My family has seen it no less than five times, including last fall in London. 

Victor Hugo’s epic portrayal of love and sacrifice in 19th century France follows the lives of two major characters—Jean Valjean, an escaped convict, and Javert, the policeman sworn to track him down. Contrary to what one might expect, Valjean is victorious in the end, and Javert meets a tragic end, committing suicide.

Receiving Forgiveness
What is it about this musical that continues to touch the hearts of so many? What was the difference in the way that the two men faced life? What ultimately led one to peace and the other to despair?

Valjean experienced forgiveness in his life and learned to share that forgiveness with others. Javert could not forgive and did not allow himself to accept the forgiveness of others—creating bitterness that continued to build within him until he could no longer cope.

The same thing, on a much less dramatic scale, can happen in the workplace. When forgiveness is given and received, peace builds healthy relationships, and work can be accomplished. When forgiveness is denied or rejected, bitterness grows—affecting work and damaging relationships, sometimes permanently. 

Roberto Assagioli, a Jewish-Venetian psychiatrist imprisoned during WWII, stated it this way, “Without forgiveness life is governed by…an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.”

Giving Forgiveness
As a supervisor it is critical to forgive those for whom you have responsibility. By forgiving, you not only allow them to do their jobs and feel empowered by your support, but you also free yourself from the bonds imposed by not forgiving. By letting go of hard feelings, you have more emotional energy to take care of your job, those who work with you, and yourself.

As a worker, it is important to forgive not only your colleagues but also those in authority. Everyone will make mistakes. If you forgive the slights and mistakes of others, you can do your job with a clear conscience and improve not only your work experience but also that of those around you.

Forgiveness does not negate consequences. Mistakes that create a backlog in shipping or an accounting nightmare must still be dealt with. Forgiveness absorbs consequences, creating a network of support for the offender as they and others work together on solutions.

E.H. Chapin once said, “Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge, and dares to forgive an injury.” So as this year unfolds, strive to forgive easily and freely, and enjoy the freedom and joy that forgiveness brings—not only to the forgiven but also to the forgiver. 

Near to the Brokenhearted

This was the topic in my parents' Bible study this week & directly related to a conversation my mom & I had. So timely and so comforting! Please share with anyone who needs to be reminded of the truth of God's nearness in our adversity.


"There's nothing more lonely than suffering because it feels like no one understands what we're going through. With accomplishments and prosperity, loved ones will gather around to share in our joy and celebrate our success. But with grief, people feel distant, even wen they are trying to support and comfort us, because they cannot reach in to that profound place where our pain has made its home. During those times, we may wonder, Where is God? Why has God allowed this? Has he left me alone to struggle with this by myself? Has God abandoned me? Yet, just the opposite is true.

Psalm 34:18 assures, "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Adversity isn't a time when God is far from you. On the contrary, it is when He's close to you and teaching you His ways. When everything goes well, you may forget that you need God, but when trouble strikes it's only God who can comfort you to the depth f your soul. He has your full attention and can teach you the joy of His wonderful presence...Adversity is a bridge to a deeper relationship with God. "

Excerpt from 30 Life Principles by Charles Stanley

Confessions of a Grudger

* Another inspiring post by my friend, Colleen!

Have I mentioned before that I can be a grudger? Embarrassing to admit, but true.

Believe me, I don't want to be a woman who holds grudges. I pray not to be.
But, given the right circumstances and offense, it is a sin that comes naturally to me, and I have to war hard against it.

Along the way, I've learned a few lessons that I pray will encourage you if you too struggle to fully and freely forgive those who have hurt you....

Forgiveness is not always a one-time decision. 
For me, it is a discipline to forgive and forget an offense. Each time thoughts of anger, revenge, or grief cross my mind, I can choose to either exercise my muscles of forgiveness (resulting in peace and freedom) or surrender to my anger and resentment (giving my offender control over me). This exercise of faith helps to strengthen my character over time and make me into a well-trained and muscular forgiver.

...suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame... Romans 5:3-5

I choose forgiveness; I don't always feel it.
Don't you wish forgiveness were a one-time decision that joyfully overflowed from your heart? Sure, once in awhile it comes easily, but for the most part, I choose to forgive long before the good feelings show up. This is an act of faith, and because it's not easy (sometimes it's the very hardest thing to do, right?), it forces me to look beyond my own (meager) strength and seek my Abba's instead. In the process, I come to know and trust and prove my Lord in amazing ways.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

The secret is looking away from myself and to Christ. 
Because I don't always feel forgiving, I can be quick to condemn myself for not having a more Christlike heart.

What's wrong with me? 
Why can't I just get over this? 
Am I horrible person?

But I shouldn't be surprised at this civil war within me—The Grudger and The Forgiver fighting to the death. Instead, I must "fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith." Only He is able to supernaturally work forgiveness in and through me, a natural grudger.

Seek the Lord while he may be found;
    call upon him while he is near;
 let the wicked forsake his way,
    and the unrighteous man his thoughts;
let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him,
    and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
 For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. Isaiah 55:6-8

Remember how much I have been forgiven.
News flash: I have an inflated view of myself. So much so, that the very offense I hold against my offender, I myself have been guilty of committing countless times. My pride blinds me to my own faults and flaws (or at the very least, minimizes them), and shifts my focus to the unforgivably large faults and flaws of those around me. Humility, on the other hand, readily confesses that in my sin nature I am capable of the very worst of sins—and any goodness in me is grace. Pure and simple. So if I have been forgiven the vileness of my sin (all of it!) by an infinitely loving God, who sees past my horrific offenses and calls me righteous, how in the world can I refuse forgiveness to a fellow desperate sinner?

"And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?" Matthew 18:33

Pray blessings over my offender.
Secretly hoping that my offender will suffer because of their offense against me simply keeps me in bondage to them. My expectation must be wholly in my God, not in revenge or vindication. Perhaps my name will never be cleared; perhaps my offender will never say "I'm sorry"; and maybe I will continue to suffer because of their actions. While I cannot control these outcomes, I can control my response to them by praying God's greatest blessings over that one who so deeply wounded me. I am called to pray big prayers—not for their wealth or ease or success, but for their heart to be filled to the brim with God's love; that they will long for the Lord more than anything else; that they would love and live by His Word.

"Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." Matthew 5:44

I'll conclude with a beautiful encouragement from Jackie Kendall in her book Free Yourself to Love. Here is her emailed response to a woman who was struggling to forgive:

"Precious sister, I have some great news for you. While researching every word translated "forgiveness" in God's Word, one of the words I found was...ready for this? In Genesis 50:17, the Hebrew idiom for "forgiveness" means: "lifting up the head." Because of Jesus, you have the ability to lift your head and walk upright with confidence. You can attend the women's event where the offending woman will be. You can forgive her in advance, and you can raise your head and walk in with God's confidence. If you, by faith, forgive this offensive woman, you can see the offender face-to-face and remain upright, full of God's love rather than anger.

"Remember, to forgive means to let go of what you want from this woman. Don't rent space to that hurt any longer! You need to move out of the condo of victimization and into the mansion of the unoffendable heart of Jesus. This is something you do by faith and not by feelings. One of the reasons we remain stuck is our pride. That pride is fueled by our shock that a fellow Christian would act so unkindly toward us.

"Raise your head, go to this event, and receive further blessings because you forgave this woman. On the way to the event, ask God's forgiveness for considering letting this woman control you more than God!"