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Dear Lord,
You already know, of course, but it's my Birthday Eve tonight. I'll be 33 tomorrow. I was sure I'd be engaged at 24, married at 25, have my first child at 27, the 2nd at 30 and my 3rd baby by 33, not still be single. Not a prospect in sight. . .at least, nothing serious or really worth getting excited about. Still hoping someday to have my first kiss and share a life with someone. Lord, am I here because of a wrong choice I made and this is a consequence? Should I have said yes to the men who pursued? (There haven't been many - only about 6) Was I (am I still) too picky? Am I not trying hard enough or should I just "try to forget about it, because then it will happen"??? The pangs of loneliness are growing steadily stronger, Lord. You have said you preserve my tears in a bottle and I know Your timing is better than what I could plan on my own. . .but my heart still aches. It's hard to admit that I want this, because You've given me so much already. I love my life and all the people in it. I love my job and wake up inexplicably happy and excited on so many days - just to be alive! I laugh inside when people tell me how good I make single life look - it IS good, but there are times (like tonight) when I struggle with discouragement and am just frustrated. These are the times when my trust is put to the test - do I really believe You give good gifts to Your children or just Your other children besides me? Lord, I choose to believe this gift of singleness is a good gift, because it's from You.
Love,
Jen
