Will You Still Be My Friend?

I felt hot tears welling up as I read this poem. It gave me insight to how a barren wife feels and increased my empathy even more. It always cuts right through me when I hear nosy people ask someone when they are going to have kids, because you NEVER know if that person is dealing with the heartache of infertility. It is so insensitive and I'll admit I've been angry on more than one occasion when I see it happen knowing how that question will devastate that barren woman's heart.

Will You Still Be My Friend?

dear friend

will you be someone who understands?

will you understand when i tell you that i need a friend
who will listen as i share about my journey through infertility?
so many others have only had advice
miracle stories, herb teas, and new love-making positions

will you understand month after month when i need to share
my disappointment from another unsuccessful attempt?
will you understand when i tell you that i rage and pound my fists at God
because He doesn’t seem to hear me and take away this pain?

will you know to pray for me when i can no longer pray for myself?
will you know to send me a card to remind me that I am not alone?

will you understand the tears that well up when you tell me you are pregnant?
will you understand that i celebrate with you, yet long for the day
when a friend’s pregnancy doesn’t remind me of my barrenness?

will you understand when i start to pull away when your tummy begins to bulge?
as much as i long to share in the excitement, i find the ache too much
as other women encircle you and the conversation turns to motherhood

will you understand when i don’t come to your baby shower?
i can’t imagine the strength i will need to hold back the tears
in the midst of baby clothes, breastfeeding tips, and birth stories

will you understand when your baby is born and i don’t come to visit right away?
please know that i long to hold your child and congratulate you in person
but holding a newborn in my arms spirals me into a place of envy and pain

will you understand that my empty arms are still heavy with the grief they carry?
will you understand that your greatest joy is my deepest sorrow?

when the months turn into years, and you are expecting your second child,
will you understand that i still long to bear a child in my womb?

will you still be my friend?