Posts
The Perfect Man:
post by Colleen Chao
I originally posted this two years ago, but continue to see the beauty of
these truths unfold as Eddie and I grow and learn in our marriage
together. So here's a little update and reposting, with the prayer that
it will be a sweet reminder for you too.
It absolutely amazes me that our husbands bear up under the weight
of our girlish expectations. I mean, think about it: they’re supposed to
surprise us with flowers, be ever tender and thoughtful, anticipate our needs,
glory in how mesmerizing and sexy we are, communicate intimately with us,
listen tenderly to our hearts (or at the very least, read our minds), work hard,
share our interests, split the housework, be witty and entertaining, plan
wildly romantic dates, be a godly leader everyone looks up to, worship our
beauty (including never finding any other girl even remotely attractive),
make an exceedingly good income, and most importantly... have life all
figured out and under control.
What?! What are we thinking, girls?! Don’t you get the feeling that we’ve
watched a few too many chick flicks?
For years I’ve loved the mantra, “Let man be man and God be God.”
(In other words, let the guy off the hook, for cryin’ out loud!) But the
moment I feel like I’ve settled this issue in my heart and am able to
laugh with condescension at the ridiculous list above, a sneaky new
little want or demand finds a home in my heart. Suddenly my man must
play God in order for me to be happy.
In her book A Man Worth Waiting For, Jackie Kendall boasts that her
husband is a wonderful man but admits he makes a horrible God.
Elisabeth Elliot elaborates on this in Love Has a Price Tag:
A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to
perhaps eighty percent of her expectations. There is always the other
twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at
it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much.
She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent,
and both of them will be happy.
Now here’s where I get to boast in my own husband: he’s truly and absolutely
amazing. He’s a “ninety-five percent” kinda guy (not just eighty), and I definitely
got the better end of the deal when we married. But he’s not perfect. Praise
the Lord, he’s not perfect! (Otherwise I’d be intimidated and insecure.) No,
as imperfect man and wife, Eddie and I get to journey together, learning and
growing and messing up together. Eddie gets to see Colleen: The Uncut Version,
and I get to see Eddie Unedited. What a privilege! No one else will ever know us
in the intimate way we know each other—the good, the bad, and the ugly...
day in, day out.
On April 27, 2010, Eddie got down on one knee, held out a sparkly diamond ring,
and said, “Will you marry a sinner like me?” Don't you love how he said that?
He understood, even before we were married, that we were each choosing
someone who "fell short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). He endearingly
called us “struggle buddies,” knowing full well that we both would struggle—but
together, within a lifelong covenant love.
Girls, do we really think we’ll be the exception and marry another God incarnate?
If we were honest with ourselves, would we admit our expectations are
just a little outrageous? Truly, we get our perfect match: a sinner like us,
redeemed by Jesus.
I have long loved Psalm 118:8: “It is better to take refuge in the Lord than
to trust in man; it is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes.”
Do I trust my husband? Oh, yes. In fact, I proved my trust in him when I said,
“I do” on August 28, 2010 and committed my life to him. But my ultimate trust
and hope is in the Lord. For us girls, this is easier said than done: by default,
we like to trust in a man we can see and hear and touch. Trusting in the Lord is
an exercise of faith, but boy, is it worth it! It takes the pressure off our men while
freeing us from our unrealistic expectations (which in turn makes us happier).
As a newlywed, I have years of learning ahead of me. I obviously don’t know
much just two-and-a-half years into marriage. But what I do know is that Eddie
and I are both works-in-progress, covenant companions on this journey home
into Abba's presence. Along the way, we get to lavish each other with mercy and
grace (oh, if I could only tell you how much grace Eddie gives me), overlook a
multitude of offenses (see Proverbs 10:12, 17:9, 1 Peter 4:8), and delight in the way
God perfectly designed us for each other—two sinners in the hands of
a great Redeemer.
