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"So, to sum it all up: the man or woman you're thinking of marrying should be someone whose character can survive major life challenges. Your potential future spouse should be the best parent you can find for your kids and ideally bring along some spiritually beneficial grandparents as well. And he or she should be steeped in a humble spirituality, a deep desire to drink from God's well and grow in Christ throughout the rest of his or her life." ~ The Sacred Search: What if it's Not About Who You Marry, but Why? by Gary Thomas
These were other parts of the book I liked:
"...forgiveness is absolutely essential. I have seen married couples survive affairs, catastrophic illnesses, financial meltdowns, and tragedies that would make you pass out - but the one think I have never seen a marriage survive is a persistent unwillingness to forgive. How do you know the person you love is capable of forgiving? First, that person recognizes his or her own need for forgiveness, understands God's love and acceptance, and not only believes the gospel but has it woven into every fiber of his or her being; we are all sinners saved by grace who depend on God's mercy and initiating grace every hour of our lives."
Some people may want to be married to you, but they may not have what it takes. When you're dating & in love, it's not that difficult to build and enjoy a relationship. It doesn't take someone of great character to accompany you to movies and nice restaurants, to go on fun bike rides or hikes or sit in a Starbucks or make out on a couch. Most people can do that.
That's not real life, however, - at least, not for very long. As a pastor, I've had to watch couples endure some excruciating life crisis. Is the person you're thinking about marrying capable of facing crisis?
You don't know what the future holds, but you can know the kind of character you're marrying. The spiritual capacity to hope, even in the face of seemingly insurmountable obstacles, is an essential quality in life - "Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed" (Romans 4:18). Don't minimize the importance of marrying someone who is spiritually tough, who doesn't grumble and forget all about God at the first sign of trouble. Life is usually full of trouble.
If you marry for money, health, or looks, keep in mind that none of these are certain to remain. Character is the surest thing. Even if you manage to avoid a medical maelstrom, the vast majority of you will have to navigate someithing else that will test you to your core: having children. Does the person you're planning on marrying have what it takes in this regard? Are they strong enough not just to be your spouse, but to be your children's mom or dad?
