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Before I got married, so many people with sober expressions felt the need to remind me how very very hard being newly married is and I think I went into it half-expecting everything to hit the fan once we arrived back from our honeymoon. I do believe those comments were coming from a sincere well-meaning place. People offer their horror stories of how rough their early days of marriage are, because they genuiniely want you to be prepared. And some of them felt no one adequately prepared them for the tough times those early days of marriage delivered, so they've taken it on as their mission to do what they wish others would have done for them.
Another thing I know I expected was that the transition of moving from my hometown, teaching job I loved, gregarious Irish-Italian family & amazing community would be easier than it has been.
Another thing I know I expected was that the transition of moving from my hometown, teaching job I loved, gregarious Irish-Italian family & amazing community would be easier than it has been.
I was wrong about both assumptions.
We've only been married a little over 4 months, but it has been simply wonderful. I always knew I would love being a wife and it's better than I anticipated. So many things I worried about have just not been a big deal. Being vulnerable in every way human beings can be vulnerable with each other was something that used to give me anxiety. My life long fear has been that if someone really knew me, they wouldn't love me. Isn't that a universal fear? This being known business? Having someone truly see us - flaws and all? But my heart is home in my marriage. I can be my authentic messy complicated self and am still deeply loved. Even some of the things I was insecure about (in my looks especially) have not only been accepted, but delighted in by my husband. He has introduced me to grace and adoration I didn't think was possible. He reflects the unconditional love of Christ and I feel I have seen an even deeper glimpse of the way Jesus loves me through my sweet husband. It's exhilarating, comforting and humbling all at once.
Is marriage work? Absolutely. Yes. It's work the way anything worth pursuing is work, but it's the most delightful kind. It's exciting to grow together, to work on building our life together, and learn new ways to serve each other and love well. I even enjoy learning the art of fighting fair, but maybe that's because making up is so much fun. Sorry, not sorry.
But transitioning from my hometown and my people? Ugh. That has been surprisingly harder than I expected. I have a personal vendetta against change and an introverted personality, so I knew having this much major transition all at once was going to be challenging. But I didn't think it would be this hard. It wasn't until the comforts of my hometown, a job I felt valued and competent at, friendships that had spanned decades and my closely-knit family were taken away that I realized how much of my security and identity was wrapped up in them. It was equally humbling and frustrating. My identity is supposed to be in Christ, not those things! I know better. But I'm thankful for a very patient husband who has helped walk me through all these changes, sift through the layers of my struggles and offered a shoulder to cry on when I'm homesick for my people. And I can honestly say I'm thankful for an opportunity to lean on God and my husband in a way I wouldn't need to if I was surrounded by the comforts of my former life.
I feel like I'm on the cusp of growth in so many areas and it's exciting to think of how God is going to use this time to conform me to his image. So, instead of fighting it, I find myself leaning into the growing pains of change. My prayer has changed from asking God to take away the hard parts of this story - my ache for home, family & friends - to asking him to help me embrace all this season has to teach me.
Is marriage work? Absolutely. Yes. It's work the way anything worth pursuing is work, but it's the most delightful kind. It's exciting to grow together, to work on building our life together, and learn new ways to serve each other and love well. I even enjoy learning the art of fighting fair, but maybe that's because making up is so much fun. Sorry, not sorry.
But transitioning from my hometown and my people? Ugh. That has been surprisingly harder than I expected. I have a personal vendetta against change and an introverted personality, so I knew having this much major transition all at once was going to be challenging. But I didn't think it would be this hard. It wasn't until the comforts of my hometown, a job I felt valued and competent at, friendships that had spanned decades and my closely-knit family were taken away that I realized how much of my security and identity was wrapped up in them. It was equally humbling and frustrating. My identity is supposed to be in Christ, not those things! I know better. But I'm thankful for a very patient husband who has helped walk me through all these changes, sift through the layers of my struggles and offered a shoulder to cry on when I'm homesick for my people. And I can honestly say I'm thankful for an opportunity to lean on God and my husband in a way I wouldn't need to if I was surrounded by the comforts of my former life.
I feel like I'm on the cusp of growth in so many areas and it's exciting to think of how God is going to use this time to conform me to his image. So, instead of fighting it, I find myself leaning into the growing pains of change. My prayer has changed from asking God to take away the hard parts of this story - my ache for home, family & friends - to asking him to help me embrace all this season has to teach me.
